(Blame a friend of mine for this one...)

50 Ways to Lose Your Liver - Mike Hebel
ttto - 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover - Paul Simon

The bottles are all behind the bar
He said to me
The glasses fill up easy if you
Make a drink or three
The liquor helps your inhibitions
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To lose your liver

He said it's really not my habit
To be rude
But I hope your drinking
Won't be gross or badly brewed
But I'll give my help
For drinks but not for food
There must be fifty ways
To lose your liver.

[CHORUS:]
The bottle in back, Jack
Throw out the flan, man
Don't need any poi, boy
Just listen to me
A bottle of wine, fine
Even stuff that tastes like pine
Just drink and you'll please, me
Your liver will flee

He said drink this please
It will ease your mental pain
This is the best that I can do
To make you right again
I took my hat off
The glass he gave me I drained
Could I sample the fifty ways

He said I'll start mixing
Right away for you my friend
You'll be dead of liqour
Poisoning at the end
And then he started up the
Blender and I started 'round the bend
There must be fifty ways
To lose your liver
Fifty ways to lose your liver

[CHORUS:]
The bottle in back, Jack
Throw out the flan, man
Don't need any poi, boy
Just listen to me
A bottle of wine, fine
Even stuff that tastes like pine
Just drink and you'll please, me
Your liver will flee
Tags:
March 13, 2009 11:04 AM 3/13/09

Our Freedoms Goodbye - ttto American Pie by Don Mclean

============================

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How the signals never reached my brain.
And I would often take the chance
To lose my tinfoil hat and dance
And, maybe, just be happy for a while.

But the government made me bitter
With every new emitter.
Signals on my cortex;
I had to take the next step.

More behind the cut... )
My friend losing his job inspired me to write this little ditty...

======================

Perlwolves of London ttto Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon


I saw a Perlwolf with a syntax manual in his hand
Reading with coffee on the lobes of his brain.
He was looking for an interrupt hook,
Gotta obscure it to win the whole damn game.

Chorus:
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London

Ya hear him swearing behind closed doors,
Better not bother him.
Pointy haired manager found dead one night,
Perlwolf was annoyed by him.

Chorus:
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London

He's the brainy guy but bent, who's money's always spent.
Lately he's been hit by all the suit crap.
You've better re-hire him, or he'll crash your system Tim.
Oops! There goes the hidden trap.

Chorus:
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London
Aaaaa Perlwolf in London

Well I saw a Perlwolf drinking at a con, hanging with Perlwolves of London.
I saw a Perlwolf drinking in at a bar, hanging with Perlwolves of London.
I saw a Perlwolf trying to pick up chicks.
And his code was perfect.

Aaaaa Perlwolf in London
Code sub.
February 10, 2009 9:16 AM 2/10/09
Lyrics: Mike Hebel
TTTO: The Song That Never Ends


===========================
This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some people started coughing not covering their mouths,
and now I'm stuck inside this house.

This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some virus from through the looking glass,
Is beating up my insides and kicking my ass.

This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
I'd like to beat the doctors within an inch of their life,
Because their medicine causes nothing but strife.

This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some vitamins would help this along,
But if I take them I couldn't write this song.

This is the cold that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends.
I have to finish now because I have to spew,
I'm reaching for the tissue paper....ACHOOOO!
===========================

*sniffle*
Tags:
nimitzbrood: (Default)
( Jun. 16th, 2008 11:16 am)
A friend of mine had the idea for this song rattling around his brain so he asked me to write it:

Sugar High City
(TTTO - Suffragette City by David Bowie)
======
(oh man) throw me a bone y'know
(oh man) I'm totally zoned y'know
(oh man) My heart's fast apace.
This sugar rush high puts a smile on my face

(oh man) I'm glucose insane
(oh man) Carmel filled veins
(oh man) I ate a case of Zagnuts
The doctor said to stop it but he...and then he...

Oh don't harsh on me man, cause you can't afford to match it
I'm in Sugar High City
Oh don't harsh on me man
Cause you ain't got my resistance
To the Sugar High City
I'll eat tonight...take big bites

(oh man) Oh Henry bars, stick right in my teeth, no way
(oh man) The chocolate, and nuts underneath, oh hey
(oh man) No rice cakes here
Just the sugar on my tongue here it comes, here it comes

Oh don't harsh on me man, cause you can't afford to match it
I'm in Sugar High City
Oh don't harsh on me man
Cause you ain't got my resistance
To the Sugar High City
I'll eat tonight...take big bites

Oh Henry!

Oh don't harsh on me man, cause you can't afford to match it
I'm in Sugar High City
Oh don't harsh on me man
Cause you ain't got my resistance
To the Sugar High City
Don't harsh on me man, cause you can't afford to match it
I'm in Sugar High City
Oh don't harsh on me man
Cause you ain't got my resistance
To the Sugar High City
I'll eat tonight...take big bites

A Sugar High City, a Sugar High City
I'm in the Sugar High City, totally Sugar High City
Ooo, Sugar High City, ooo, Sugar High City
Oooh-now, Sugar High City, oooh-now, Sugar High,

Ohhh, wham bam Candy-Gram!
A Sugar High City, a Sugar High City
I'm high tonight
A Sugar High City
All mine
A Sugar High City, ooh, a Sugar High City
Oh, my Sugar High City, oh my Sugar High City
Oh, Sugar High
Sugar High!
Tags:
Workin' in Computers Blues - ttto Workin' At The Car Wash Blues by Jim Croce

Well I just got out of help desk training
Doin ninety days of tech support
Tried to find another tech position
But no matter how good I talked
They wouldn't listen to the fact that I had experience
The man said you got no skills we can use
Now I got them steadily decaying, employment prayin'
Working in computers blues

Well I should be sitting in a data center playing with the power there
Kicking off some errant users
Sayin' loser don't you come 'round here.
Instead I'm stuck here with a headset on
And getting so plastered at home
With them steadily decaying, employment prayin'
Working in computers blues

You know a geek of my ability
Should be workin' on neat projects
But till I get a good cert I'll have to hit the dirt
And deal with support call jerks

All I can do is wish for death
You might think that's pretty bad
But if you had to hear what I have to hear
It would certainly make you go mad
So buddy don't come and see me
To fix your TV. I'm not in that kind of biz.
Because I'm steadily decaying, employment prayin'
With those working in computers blues
Yeah I got them steadily decaying, employment prayin'
Working in computers blues
So buddy don't utter my name
Because you've broken your game
I've got those steadily decaying, employment prayin'
Working in computers blues
Tags:
April 12, 2008 5:06 PM

I no sooner posted the other song to a list of friends and someone replies with the refrain below knowing full well I'd turn the whole damn thing into a song...
=======
Stuck in the middle with spoo! - ttto "Stuck in the MIddle with You" by Stealers Wheel.

Well I don't know what I had last to drink.
It's getting harder and harder to think.
Mr. Garabaldi's taking me home,
so I don't get lost and roam.

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

I'm stuck in the middle with spoo,
and I don't know what I should do.
Maybe I'll ask the Techno-mage,
A talk with them is all the rage.

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

Well I started down the hallway
like a well and proper gentle-man.
But all I got was nastiness and demons on my back!
*growwwl!*
*growwwl*

Back in quarters like before.
The lights don't work any more.
My stocks are a matter of chance!
My computer bought a spoo ranch!

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

Well I'm back to apologize,
To the mages who demonize.
Maybe now I'll get some sleep,
Or maybe I'll drink very deep!

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

Narns to the left of me, Drazi to the right,
here I am, stuck in the middle with spoo!

Vir! Get me a drink!
Tags:
April 12, 2008 4:00 PM

Obviously inspired by a Babylon 5 episode:
======

Stuck in this Spaceship with You - ttto "Stuck in the Middle with You" by Stealers Wheel

Who convinced me to come on this ride?
I'm in a freighter's hold going Mars-side,
I'm so bored I would kill for some air,
And I curse the person who made up this pair.

Vorlons to the left of me!
Shadows to the right!
Here I am stuck in this spaceship with you!

I'm stuck here in this spaceship with you,
and I'm looking for something to do.
It's so hard to keep from throwing a punch,
This grub will make me lose my lunch.

Vorlons to the left of me!
Shadows to the right!
Here I am stuck in this spaceship with you!

Well we shipped out from station
proud to help the Martian stand!
But your fighting pike is noisy I just can't take it man!
Cliiiick!...
Cliiiick!...

Keeping my cool through it all,
But I know it'll be a long free-fall.
No I don't want any more rationed food!
Playing Eye-Spy is just a little rude!

Vorlons to the left of me!
Shadows to the right!
Here I am stuck in this spaceship with you!

Well we shipped out from station
proud to help the Martian stand!
But your so annoying I just can't stand it man!
Cliiiick!...
Cliiiick!...

Who convinced me to come on this ride?
I'm in a freighter's hold going Mars-side,
Being trapped here could be a deadly thing,
Especially since you've started to sing!

Vorlons to the left of me!
Shadows to the right!
Here I am stuck in this spaceship with you!

Stuck inside this spaceship with you!
I'm stuck inside this spaceship with you!

I gotta talk to someone about better travel arrangements...
Tags:
April 26, 2007 11:15 AM

(Disclaimer - given freely for non-commercial use.)

To the tune of "Garden Party" by Rick Nelson:

I went to a steampunk party
To reminisce with my old friends
A chance to share machine designs
And make some steam again
When I got to the steampunk party
They all did the same
All the mad inventors
Looked beyond insane

But it's all brass now
We did our steaming well
We can steam anything
It really rings our bell

Steampunks came from miles around
Everyone was there
Tinker brought his handmade gears
Steampunks everywhere
Hidden behind some piping
Much to my delight
Datamancer's laptop mod
Screen glowing bright

And it's all brass now
We did our steaming well
We can steam anything
It really rings our bell

*clanka**clank**clank*
*clanka**clank**clank**clank*

Talked all night of steampunk
Till we were bleary eyed
Of ships of air and maidens fair
And mechanations tried
I said hello to sidecar_jon
Another steampunk he
Making Beakman motors
For his son to see

And it's all brass now
We did our steaming well
We can steam anything
It really rings our bell

*clanka**clank**clank*
*clanka**clank**clank**clank*

Someone opened up a hatchway door
And out stepped Tinkergrl
Taking names and kicking ass
A blurring steampunk whirl
If you wanta join a steampunk party
Just go get some brass
If you think it's all so useless
You can kiss my ass!

But it's all brass now
We did our steaming well
We can steam anything
It really rings our bell

*clanka**clank**clank*
*clanka**clank**clank**clank*

'An it's all brass now
We did our steaming well
We can steam anything
It really rings our bell
Tags:
nimitzbrood: (Default)
( Feb. 12th, 2007 06:55 pm)
Momma's Boy
To the tune of "Grendel" by Kathy Mar and Leslie Fish


Dumb as dirt and twice as mean, such as I made mother crazy
Worst of children I have been, nasty, smelly, mean and lazy
I'm the child she had to raise, what's my mom to do?
Dragged me to a rocky hole and shoved me in there too.

Chorus: Son of mine you've been a disappointment since your birth
I heard those very words till I slept in the earth
Momma I would be sorry but I'm so very dead
I never listened to a word you said

Mother laid us down to rest, but I just laid there faking
I crept out the cave to a meeting of my making
Came back with a stomach full of flesh, ripped off of the bone
Time and time I went back out to murder on my own

Chorus

Helmets gathered in a hall, the smell to my taste delightful
When I broken down the door the battle there was frightful
One of them hacked away my arm, it laid there by the door
Hunted me to the cave where I bled there on the floor

Chorus

Instrumental

Mother's wine was spiked so she was still deeply sleeping
I was her delight but sadly not worth keeping
I bet she'll avenge me now, what else could she do?
Mothers don't let your sons, get the best of you.

Chorus
Tags:
The Hatred of Spammers (To: The Hero of Canton - Joss Whedon)

SPAM, the stuff they call SPAM

Chorus: It robs us of bandwidth and makes us all poor
It slows down our traffic as it heads out the door
We hate it so much, always trashcanned
The stealer of bandwidth, the stuff they call SPAM

Now the admins can see their backbones breakin'
They hear their servers lament
They see the spammers are makin'
Money for every one sent

They said "We don't want the burden.
We'll block all that we can."
Going without much rest
They did their very best
To block each and every SPAM.

Chorus

Now here is what separates spammage,
From legitimate messages that are sent.
The address is fake and it takes the cake
That the subject's really bent.

It comes in as greetings.
It comes in as "Hi!"
it comes in without warning
Filling your box to the sky!

(*groan*)

Chorus
Tags:
To: "Rolling Down to Old Maui" - traditional.

It's rough tough life of toil and strife
We spacemen undergo
And we don't give a damn when the work is done
How far the earth below
For we're surface bound from the higher ground
For a good weeks leave or three
And we'll give a damn if there is no rum
When we touch down in old Maui

Touchin' down in old Maui, me boys
Touchin' down in old Maui
We're surface bound from the higher ground
Touchin' down in old Maui

Once more we blast to orbits past
The rocks and space debris
The moonlit bays, them tropic days
We soon will feel again
Countless time has passed fast away
In the cold and sunless sea
Falling down past the speed of sound
We're touchin' down in old Maui

Touchin' down in old Maui, me boys
Touchin' down in old Maui
We're surface bound from the higher ground
Touchin' down in old Maui

Once more we blast our engine's last
Our falling now to slow
Our fuel is gone, our trip is done
Once more the ground to know
Our heat shield is burnt away
We pay it no more heed
The wind is roaring in our ears
The sound is all we heed

Touchin' down in old Maui, me boys
Touchin' down in old Maui
We're surface bound from the higher ground
Touchin' down in old Maui

Now we bob on waves of warmth and light
Now the blackness all has gone
The retrieval crews have done their job
We're almost on firm ground
Watching now we can see our girls
Waiting for us at the dock
Waiting eager for our pending berth
Gazes fixed and bright eyes locked

Touchin' down in old Maui, me boys
Touchin' down in old Maui
We're surface bound from the higher ground
Touchin' down in old Maui

Now we're finally docked and on on the beach
Margaritas in our hands
Soft relief within our arms
Few men can understand
The days we spend lying in their beds
We wish would never end
But there's only a brief respite
Till we ship back out again

Touchin' down in old Maui, me boys
Touchin' down in old Maui
We're surface bound from the higher ground
Touchin' down in old Maui
Tags:
Sitting in the Docking Bay
(To the tune of Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding.)
==================

Docked in bay '01
I'll be docked till my parts have come
Watching the dockhands grin
As rust shows on my skin

I'm sittin' in the docking bay
Watching my kind float away
I'm just sittin' in the docking bay
Getting fined.

I left my planet's orbit
Headed out on my way
Got cut up by some pirates
Towed back into the bay

Now I'm just sittin in the docking bay
Watching my kind float away
I'm just sittin in the docking bay
Mooring lines.

Looks like my captain's gone insane
The pirate ships have burnt his brain
He can't pay what the dockmaster tells him to
So I guess I'll remain to stay, here

Sittin here I creak and groan
Against the lines that hold me home
Millions of miles I've flown
Just to make this dock my home, ow.

I'm just gon' sit in the docking bay
Watching my kind float away, ooh
Sittin in the docking bay
Making fines.

(Harmonic beeping...)
Tags:
nimitzbrood: (Default)
( May. 23rd, 2006 10:24 am)
Hate Being Weak
(to the tune of "One Week" by BNL)
==================================

It's been a fortnight since I've been summoned
Stopped an attack against thy woman
Five nights since thee loosed me
I would grave escape you and be free
Three thieves in the latter day
My heart yearns for their lives to slay
But no way mine doctor will let me

Watch now my mighty hammer
It is to be enamored
It will make them run away in fear
Crushing vile villains with one blow
Until they fast go
Fleeing fleetly in blind terror

Proud doth my heart be when I stop crimes
My chest primed
For a hearty shout for all my fellows
They doth battle with me
To mighty victory
For hale companions I now bellow

I break the gate and take a break
From vanquishing many of evil station
Time to go for I doth know that the doctor
Doth need to see a patient

I may crush thine skull for thy being bad
But this fleeting freedom makes my spirit sad
I would be fine with thine if we doth be separate
But till this be ended I guess I doth live with it
Thou dost tap that cane with little thought
Many weakling enemies have I fought

Seven days since I last saw sky
Despite thine wishes I would rather fly
My days of this make my life drone
Midgard waits but I am not alone

It has been three days since becoming ghost
Having weak flesh I hate the most
I hear the doctor's cane and my heart doth be started
No more thoughts now the battle is started
Tags:
Thor's Lament
(To the tune "Another Saturday Night" by Sam Cooke)
=============

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I'm feeling funny cause I just got frayed
How I wish I had some kind of power
Not just this walking cane

I blipped in a time ago
To stop a really nasty crime
I don't have a life-time
Just a doctor with a whine
I'm in another phase

Another Saturday night and I'm not in my body
I'm feeling funny for being betrayed
I wish I could strangle that Loki
And put him in his grave

Another villian sold me
Into slavery at the time
He took my cane away
And tortured me all day
I think I'm gonna die this time

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I'm feeling funny cause I just got frayed
How I wish I had some kind of power
Not just this walking cane

I just saved the maiden
From a perilous time
I'd like to make this honey
But I'd bet all my money
I'm gonna disappear before there's time

Another Saturday night and I'm not in my body
I'm feeling funny for being betrayed
I wish I could strangle that Loki
And put him in his grave

It's hard on a fella
Tied to an ancient god
And being struck by lightning
Is really kind of frightening
It's more than just a little odd

Another Saturday night and I ain't got no body
I'm feeling funny for being betrayed
How I wish I had some kind of power
To make this go away!
To make this go away!
To make this go away!
Tags:
The Time Lord Polka
(Slightly inspired by the music of The Illuminati Polka byt Tom Smith)

-----

He lives in a blue box
He gives out silver keys
The only thing he can't give
Are keys to Gallifrey

The box that he lives in
Is square on all sides
With small white windows
And a flashing light

The only real problem is it's dimensions aren't quite right!

Back and forth
To and fro
Never knowing where to go!
To and fro
Back and forth
Never finding temporal North!

He picks up companions
Not one of them stays
They often hang for months
Though some leave in days

They often get in trouble
Four have even died
With as clueless as they are
I marvel how they stay alive

The more he collects them the more he's surprised!

'Fore and back
To and fro
Off the beaten path he goes!
To and fro
Back and forth
Always seeking temporal North!

Twelve re-gen-er-ations
Of them we've seen only nine *
They keep coming faster
As actors change their minds

Maybe one will be a girl
That would be so fine!
A Timelord hooker
Traveling through time!

Doing Tardis pornos filmed by K9!


----

* Yes, I know there are 10 Doctors but I'm in the US and haven't *ahem* acquired the latest ones yet.

----

Edited 5/8/06 to correct number of companions dead. Thanks to castor-biber for the correction and a link!
Tags:
Send me Karma - to the Tune of Help Me Rhonda by The Beach Boys
----
Well since the bubble burst I've been going out of my head
I go to unemployment and interview till I'm dead

Well Karma you need to be mine
And I know it would be so fine
For you to send me a real good vibe
Help me Karma! Help me get outta the line!

Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma get outta this line!

I was young and rich
When the boom began
(Oh Karma)
But soon I'll become homeless
And a wrinkled old man
(Oh Karma)

Well Karma don't pass me by!
Karma make my life fly!
You gotta send me Karma
Send me the heck outta this line!

Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma get outta this line!

Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma
Help Help me Karma
Help me Karma get outta this line!
Tags:
The Karminator - to the tune of We're Not Gonna Take It - by Twisted Sister
----
Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

He's the got might to fuse it
He's got the guns to do it
Watch his life rush along!

He'll fight the idiocy
Don't make him grab his keys
He won't stop until you're gone!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

You're soul is busy sending
A signal never-ending
That tells you right from wrong!

Your life is is what you make it
Don't blow or fake it
If you do you'll be gone!

Oh No

Lock one
Load three
Lead blight
You'll see!!!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

No way

No go

Lock one
Load three
Lead blight
You'll see!!!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

Just you try and run
He won't think it's fun
If he has to chase your silly ass!

You're ass he'll really shoot it
You've all tortured a GeeK!
You're all gonna get it ever-more!

Now drop and give us money
We're gonna spend it!
Don't punch him!

No he ain't gonna fake it!
Oh you and your puny "small arms"!
He's not gonna take it any more!
Tags:
Not that he's not a big deal still but he's not in the news as much...
-----

To the tune of Spooky by the Classics IV
----
In the cool of September everything went kinda screwy
You took control of us like a warden in a prison movie
I want my freedoms as a good American
But you've stolen them all with your Patriot plan
Rights are kinda hazy with a goofy little spook like you.

You always hide your messes, we never seem to end up knowing
How the rights we had yesterday left us without even voting
We feel used and trampled upon
Because all of our freedoms are gone
Rights are kinda hazy with a goofy little spook like you.

Goofy!

If we decide some day to stop you and your little plan
We'll fight you in the streets as hard and long as we can
We may die but our children live on
At least if we fight their rights won't be gone
Rights are kinda hazy to a goofy little spook like you.

Goofy little spook like you!
Goofy!
Woah oh!
I said Goofy!
Yeah Yeah!
All right!
Goofy little spook like you!
Tags:
I'm slightly embarrassed that I even wrote this...
----

"Bukkake PC" - inspired by a combination of the tune of "Under the Sea" by
Disney! and "On The PC" by Tom Smith

---
The monitor needs some cleaner
To remove the cake
You look at the picture
That's gotta be so fake
The strings of pearls
Going up her nose
The stuff all dripping
Right down to the toes

Bukakke PC
Bukakke PC
This is so icky
The keyboard is sticky
It wasn't me!
In front of the webcam
Making the porn spam
Taking the jiz on
Making a million
Bukakke PC

Cum on her and make it snappy!
I've got another roll
Make her face look happy!
It pays with gold
Make sure one is ugly!
The pervs will like that too
That picture sure is fugly
She's covered in goo

Bukakke PC
Bukakke PC
The pictures are icky
The keyboard is sticky
Why aren't these free?
I've got a new domain
For me to hawk and shame
Two for one tuesdays
Give use "fresh pics" days
Bukakke PC

You play the skin flute
Just don't fart
Don't matter about race
Just click the cart
I don't want to look at her ass
Just her mug
This website is soo cool
(Yeah)
Aww you have to pay
I hate these things
Shelling cash out
My account it stings
Gimme the picture stat
I need to blow my hat
Blow my wad oh nooo!

Bukakke PC
Bukakke PC
The wesites so tricky
The keyboard is sticky
It wasn't me!
I sign up for the webcam
The send me X10 spam
I use a filter
It doesn't help there
Bukakke PC
Tags:
.

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Mike Hebel

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