My first officially posted filk lyrics...

I'm not sure how good they are but my wife's birthday today was sucky and for some reason that inspired me to write this:

Man My Birthday's Whack
(To the tune of Animaniacs)
---------------------------

Man my birthday's whack
I'm old and I'm too fat
My back it just cracks
While I wrinkle to max
Man my birthday's whack!

I'm older than my sister
And my younger brother, god!
I'm even years older than the neighbor's dog!
I have more than twice the lifespan of a green tree frog
Crows feet are ugly...
Skin so fugly...
I'm like a rotted log!

Man my birthday's whack
I've got health bills in a stack
I can pack away the snacks
While my cholesterol gets jacked
Man my birthday's whack!

Quick slimming fat pills
Are my latest curse
They only make me gain weight
And make my heart feel worse
Beer chasers really
Make my bladder burst
Toilet trips
No backflips
Why not just admit the worst!

My birthday is so whack
It makes me want to hack
So I think I'll just sit back
And eat cake to the max
Today I'm aging
While I'm grazing
There's no changing
The fact my birthday's whack!

Give my Twinkie back!


----------------------

I've got a few more that I'll probably post but I can't seem to find the lyrics for the one song I wrote that I really thought was good. :-(

On top of everything I seem to have developed a nasty cold since yesterday...

Inspired by filkertom's "On The PC"...

I'm slightly embarrassed that I even wrote this...
----

"Bukkake PC" - inspired by a combination of the tune of "Under the Sea" by
Disney! and "On The PC" by Tom Smith

---
The monitor needs some cleaner
To remove the cake
You look at the picture
That's gotta be so fake
The strings of pearls
Going up her nose
The stuff all dripping
Right down to the toes

Bukakke PC
Bukakke PC
This is so icky
The keyboard is sticky
It wasn't me!
In front of the webcam
Making the porn spam
Taking the jiz on
Making a million
Bukakke PC

Cum on her and make it snappy!
I've got another roll
Make her face look happy!
It pays with gold
Make sure one is ugly!
The pervs will like that too
That picture sure is fugly
She's covered in goo

Bukakke PC
Bukakke PC
The pictures are icky
The keyboard is sticky
Why aren't these free?
I've got a new domain
For me to hawk and shame
Two for one tuesdays
Give use "fresh pics" days
Bukakke PC

You play the skin flute
Just don't fart
Don't matter about race
Just click the cart
I don't want to look at her ass
Just her mug
This website is soo cool
(Yeah)
Aww you have to pay
I hate these things
Shelling cash out
My account it stings
Gimme the picture stat
I need to blow my hat
Blow my wad oh nooo!

Bukakke PC
Bukakke PC
The wesites so tricky
The keyboard is sticky
It wasn't me!
I sign up for the webcam
The send me X10 spam
I use a filter
It doesn't help there
Bukakke PC

I wrote this when Ashcroft was a big deal...

Not that he's not a big deal still but he's not in the news as much...
-----

To the tune of Spooky by the Classics IV
----
In the cool of September everything went kinda screwy
You took control of us like a warden in a prison movie
I want my freedoms as a good American
But you've stolen them all with your Patriot plan
Rights are kinda hazy with a goofy little spook like you.

You always hide your messes, we never seem to end up knowing
How the rights we had yesterday left us without even voting
We feel used and trampled upon
Because all of our freedoms are gone
Rights are kinda hazy with a goofy little spook like you.

Goofy!

If we decide some day to stop you and your little plan
We'll fight you in the streets as hard and long as we can
We may die but our children live on
At least if we fight their rights won't be gone
Rights are kinda hazy to a goofy little spook like you.

Goofy little spook like you!
Goofy!
Woah oh!
I said Goofy!
Yeah Yeah!
All right!
Goofy little spook like you!

This was inspired by a friend of mine...

The Karminator - to the tune of We're Not Gonna Take It - by Twisted Sister
----
Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

He's the got might to fuse it
He's got the guns to do it
Watch his life rush along!

He'll fight the idiocy
Don't make him grab his keys
He won't stop until you're gone!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

You're soul is busy sending
A signal never-ending
That tells you right from wrong!

Your life is is what you make it
Don't blow or fake it
If you do you'll be gone!

Oh No

Lock one
Load three
Lead blight
You'll see!!!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

No way

No go

Lock one
Load three
Lead blight
You'll see!!!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

Oh he's the Karminator
Whoah! The Karminator!
Oh he's the Karmintator at the door!

Just you try and run
He won't think it's fun
If he has to chase your silly ass!

You're ass he'll really shoot it
You've all tortured a GeeK!
You're all gonna get it ever-more!

Now drop and give us money
We're gonna spend it!
Don't punch him!

No he ain't gonna fake it!
Oh you and your puny "small arms"!
He's not gonna take it any more!

Just in case nobody caught it...

I thought this was one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time:

Grape Scented

Some part of me thinks there's filk material in there somewhere... ^_^